It has been one year, to the day, since I have posted my last blog. And to say that a lot can change within a year is a complete understatement. For I believe in this past year, life as I know it has changed more than any other. On one hand, it's crazy for me to think that it has been that long since I have sat down at a computer to document what was going on in our lives. But on the other, I know why I didn't post... because maybe if I didn't write about this year, maybe everything that was going on really wasn't happening and we could just start over. However, while I was living in a blur, praying I could just have my life back, life was happening around me.
To recap, a year ago we closed on our new house. We packed and moved our babies to our "forever" home, well unleast until we downsize. I was adjusting to not going to back work and being a stay-at-home mom, and I can tell you that was a bit of an adjustment. It is not that I don't love staying at home with my children, it is just a lot of work and very little to no time to yourself. But I can tell you that although it took me a bit of time to get to this point, I can honestly say that I truly love it and know without a doubt this is what I am meant to do.
Around the same time of moving into our home, as a family, we were still helping mom recover from her stroke and helping dad decide what was his best option in getting out of the milk route, in order to get the much needed surgeries that he needed to alevate all of the pain he was in.
In October, Dad sold his route and was scheduled to undergo his first of surgery, a hip replacement. Mom was doing so much better, her speech had improved and she was back to work. I kept saying over and over, how the worst was behind us and it was just going to get better from here :-)
Then came the news that forever changed our lives... Mom had been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I remember saying to Brian, the night we found out, that our lives would never again be the same. At that is absolutely true, from that day our lives have been different. Not only because we are constantly praying that mom will be okay, or that we will find that magical cure for her, but because life has been put into a whole new perspective. Little things that would have bothered me in the past, I now know are really not that big of a deal. The time we spend together is so much more important and valued. I even appreciate my mom's unsolicited parenting advice way more than I ever did before. Simply put, life is not the same... but sometimes different is better.
This year I have discovered that I am so much stronger than I ever thought I could be. I've learned that my father is the best caretaker my mother could possibly have and although I knew this before, I was reminded how much of a fighter my mother is. But most of all, I discovered what an amazing relationship I have with my brother and SIL. Living so far away from home has been hard, but they have become my lifeline... not only for information, but emotional support.
For me, I feel this year has been spent waiting... waiting to find out what the plan is to make mom better, waiting for the next scan to see if the current course of treatment worked, but most of all waiting to wake up and find out this has just been a dream. But what I have realized is that waiting isn't going to make me happy or mom better, living is going to do those things. So this year, I'm going to love living the life that I have, pray and BELIEVE mom will get better, soak up every moment, and be the absolute best mother, wife, sister, daughter and friend I can possibly be!!
