Over the last week I have had a lot of emotional ups and downs. I blame most of it on hormones, but I can't blame it all on that. When I was pregnant with Stella, Brian and I talked about the possibility of me staying home but I wasn't ready to give up the classroom. I had such a hard time going back to work, but I still was a teacher at heart. As last year ended, I knew that if it was my last year in the classroom I would NEVER go back. Rough year to say the least. When I got pregnant this year, I knew that the time had come for me to stay home with my babies. I had a great group of kids, a wonderful co-teacher, overall it was a great year. However, my heart was no longer in it as it had been in the years past.
I would be lying if I didn't say that I have been looking forward to my time in the classroom coming to an end. I have pinned a thousand things on pinterest that I want to do with Stella or meals that I want to make for dinner. (And as a woman who is nine months pregnant, the thought of a few naps sounded super enticing, as well.) I have been marking the days off on my calendar for the last few months. I wouldn't want to admit that I had short-timers syndrome but I was looking forward to my last day... until it came.
About two weeks ago, my principal asked me to sit in on interviews to hire our new math teacher for next year. A little weird to hire your replacement after you have given your heart and sole to a place for nine years. The first interview was a little hard, but it did get easier. Then last Tuesday came, the day before my last day in the classroom. I was so excited, actually not really that sad at all. As I laid down in bed, I checked my email, as I do every night, the master schedule for next year had been emailed out. And for the first time it hit me, I wasn't going back... my name was not on it. That was weird. And as I laid in bed that night, I knew that I was excited about the next phase of my life, but a part of me felt like I was giving up a little part of me.
Wednesday morning came and I was still really emotional. I could not make myself stop crying. I walked into the bathroom, to get a little emotional support for my husband (YES, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER). He laughed a bit and asked if it was pregnancy hormones, but he did remind me that I could always go back after one year. I felt so much better (NO). Just like I always do when I get his pep talks :-)
After dropping Stella off, I called my mom as I usually do and cried to her for a little bit. She knew exactly what to say. My mom reminded me that I will always be a teacher, but instead of teaching other people's children I will be teaching the two most important children in the world... mine. And with that, I wiped the last of my tears, pulled into school, and had the best last day in the classroom a teacher could ask for.
For now the lessons that I teach are no longer taught in a classroom, but are taught everywhere I go. I can not wait for what life has in store for me and my children. I know how fortunate I am for having the opportunity to stay home and I will try to always remember that (even if I realize that the grass is indeed greener on the other side)
