A Step Closer to Closure

As I sit here tonight writing my post about the most awesome weekend that I had at home, visiting my family, I keep thinking about the one person who wasn't there, the one person that ironically enough I probably think about the most these days... my grandfather.

As I sure most everyone who reads this blog knows, my grandfather passed away this summer after a very long time of being sick.  And although anyone who saw him as he entered the last phase of his life can agree that he is in a much better place, it is still so surreal to go home and he not be there.

My grandpa was a drill sergeant in the army and he carried this mentality throughout most of his life.  He was an extremely hard worker, who lived very modestly and took care of those around him.  I don't remember a lot about him from when I was a kid, but I can remember as a kid him always giving us grief if we didn't finish our soda can for who would even think about wasting it.  Or how we would get into his desk drawer to find his stash of spearmint gum and there usually being a half of stick still remaining because he would only chew half at a time.  One of my fondest memories was after he got his hearing aides and every time he would hug me, he would press his ear against my head to make a ringing noise.  He wasn't an overly affectionate man but we always knew that he loved us.

When I was pregnant with Stella there were a few times when I asked my parents about Grandpa they were honest and said that they didn't know how much longer he would be around.  I remember praying that I just wanted to have the opportunity for him to get to meet her.  And I was lucky he did.  I brought her home when she was just a couple months old and then again a few weeks before he passed.  It was such a wonderful feeling seeing him with her.  I was so excited for them to have the opportunity to meet and I knew he loved her too.

About two weeks after that last visit home, my grandfather passed away.  And although we were not extremely close, it's not like we even talked that often, it has been extremely hard for me.  I am sure that part of it is because I have been very fortunate in my life that I have not lost very many people and therefore I don't how to handle grief.  But I think another part of it is the thought that someone so strong and powerful in my life is no longer a part of it.

I didn't go back for the funeral and part of me regrets that.  I think funerals have a way of helping to put closer on death.  And I'm sure as time goes on I will get closure in my own way.

And although I miss him terribly, I know that he is in a much better place watching down on me and now he has the opportunity to see Stella everyday :-)

Stella is on the Move

It seems like yesterday Stella learned to crawl, okay maybe it wasn't yesterday but it wasn't more than a couple of weeks ago.  Ever since this new learned discovery she has been on the move.  She crawls all over the house and gets herself into all kinds of trouble.  I didn't think I would be that mom, but if she didn't say da da all of the time I would bet anything her first word would be no.

No, we don't play with the bills.

No, don't play with the dog food. 

No, don't play in the toilet.

No, don't pull stuff off the refrigerator. 

And today... no, don't climb in cabinets. 

But with all this new found independence and exploring it hasn't been all that bad.  Let me tell you there is nothing more heart-warming then hearing the garage door go up at night, telling her that Da Da is home and seeing her race to the door, with a great big smile, to greet him.

Stella's First Halloween